


The Chances of Losing

by LittleSass



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 22:06:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSass/pseuds/LittleSass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the Olympics nearing, the team should be ridding themselves of all thoughts that didn't include reaching the top podium by the end of the tournament. However, Christen and Alex find themselves fighting days before the last sendoff game which could throw things out of balance if not solved quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I had a little inspiration and thought I would try a little something new. I'm not sure if I'll write much more of these two together after this, but we'll see. Give this a try and let me know what you think.

“You can't write that.” Christen stated, stealing Alex’s paper from the other woman’s hand. She uncapped her red pen and started crossing out words she didn’t deem fit. 

“Why not?” Alex demanded. She spent hours carefully planning out those words and needed to know why it wouldn’t work. 

“Because then it'd be obvious to everyone that we're together.” Christen explained as she continued to mark up Alex’s draft. Her red pen was bleeding all over the page by the time she was done with it. 

“I can’t write that, but you can write this?” Alex exclaimed, waving Christen’s paper back and forth. 

“It’s not like I’m outright saying I love you.” Christen replied, turning back to Alex’s paper. 

“It might as well have.”

The two of them were paired together for the teammate #StrongerAsOne segment that the social media team wanted to put on Twitter in preparation for the Olympics. Considering they were the only ones on the team to be paired up with their significant other, they had both agreed to read over each other’s piece before they submitted them to the staff to be posted. 

Currently, they weren’t really seeing eye to eye. 

Sensing that things could possibly head in the wrong direction, Christen put down the pen and paper and gave her attention to Alex. “Come on, Al. You know it’s different.”

“How so?” 

“Because you’re still a married woman. I’m not.”

“But you’re not single.” Alex pointed out, hands on her hip, waiting for Christen to challenge that.

“You’re right, I’m not single. But to the rest of the world I am. It’s not going to hurt anyone if I wrote this. They probably won’t even think that much of it.”

“But it’s unfair. You get to say what you want, but I have to censor mine.”

“If you want to speak your mind, go for it. But before that happens you need to decide what it is you really want.”

“What do you mean? I know what I want.”

“What you want entails you to outing yourself to the world.” Christen pointed out. “Or at least leaving Servando.” Christen whispered more to herself than to Alex, but Alex heard her loud and clear.

“I am leaving Servando.” Alex stated matter-of-factly. 

“Then why are you still married to him? Why are you still living a life with him?” Christen demanded, her voice cracking just enough for Alex to realize that her girlfriend was on the verge of crying. 

Alex took a seat next to Christen on the bed and tried not to let the hurt show on her face when the other girl scooted away. “Babe, we’ve talked about this. There’s nothing going on between me and Serv. Not anymore.”

“I saw them.” Christen whispered quietly, not sure that Alex could even hear her. 

“Saw what?” 

“The divorce papers.” Christen answered, closing in on herself as she tried to stop the dreaded tears from falling. “I saw them in your bag. You haven’t even given them to him.”

The younger woman was gaping. Christen wasn’t supposed to find out that Alex still hadn’t delivered the papers to her husband. “I...I’ve just been waiting for the right time.” Alex said trying to explain herself, reaching out to rest a hand on Christen’s arm. 

The raven-haired girl brushed her hand away. “There’s never going to be a right time, Alex. You’re telling him that you want a divorce.” Through a shaky breath, Christen attempted to get her next thought across. “You promised you were leaving him, yet here we still are. If you still love him and want to be with him then just tell me. Tell me so I know not to waste my time anymore.” 

Alex's face scrunched up. She saw herself losing control of the situation so she did the only thing she could think of. She went on the defensive. “So what, I've just been a waste of your time?”

“You know that's not what I meant Al.” Christen was appalled how everything turned around so fast. First she was getting upset with Alex and now Alex was getting angry at her for a misunderstanding. 

“No. I don’t know what you mean, Christen. Because it sounds to me like the time we spent together hasn’t meant as much to you as it has to me. It’s like you don’t even think we’ll last.”

“Can you blame me? Alex, it’s been 3 months since you told me that you wanted to divorce Servando, yet I find that you still haven’t even taken the next step in that process. I’m starting to think that you don’t want to go through with it. I don’t want to sit around just to find out that you chose him.” 

“Well, it’s not like you’d be waiting alone.” Alex murmured in spite, walking to the other side of the room. 

Christen’s head snapped up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’m sure Tobin would love to wait by your side. You two have gotten rather close in the last few months.” Alex said, turning around to face Christen. 

“There’s nothing going on between me and Tobin, Alex.”

“You sure? Because I think that you and her have probably spent more time together than you and I have.”

Christen got up from her seat on the bed and stormed over to Alex. “And that’s my problem how? I’ve invited you to come stay with me all the time but you're always too busy. You need to be here or you need be there. Every time you bailed, Tobin offered to come and I figured it couldn’t hurt. She’s my friend and it could be fun.”

“Except friends don’t do what you two do. She went to your Body Issue photoshoot, for crying out loud! I don’t know about you but I don’t invite all my friends to come to watch me pose naked for a magazine.”

“You told me you were coming, but at the last minute you ditched me. I didn’t want to do that alone because you know how I feel about my body. Tobin heard that I was going to back out after you decided not to come. She told me she would go and support me.” 

“I was busy. You know that.”

“Yes, I did know that. You’re always busy. We rarely ever spend time together.”

Press turned away from Alex, making sure that the other girl couldn’t see her eyes beginning to glaze over more as tears threatened to pour out of her eyes. She removed her hands from where they were crossed over her body so she could fan at her eyes, attempting to dry them before they have the chance to fall. 

Alex too far gone in this conversation to take in Christen’s movement, continues to rant on. “You can’t blame that on me. I have work. A press conference here, a commerical there. Sponsorships, club/national team duties. I’m being pulled in every direction and you know how stressed I get. It’s like I have to be everywhere at once.”

“I’m not blaming you. But sometimes I think that I’m the only one trying in this relationship anymore.”

“You don’t think I’m putting an effort into this relationship?”

“Sure feels that way.” Christen grumbled. 

“If that’s what you really think, then maybe you should go date Tobin.”

Christen’s mouth dropped at Alex’s suggestion. From the years of knowing Alex and the months dating her, Christen knew she couldn’t, or rather shouldn’t, take the other striker’s words to heart. Alex had that kind of personality where she was ready to say anything in the heat of the moment to come out on top. It was her competitive nature.

However, that didn’t stop her from breaking at those words. The idea being tossed out so frivolously, struck at her heart. She began to question if maybe she wasn’t doing enough to show Alex that she didn’t want anymore else. Her insecurities were coming to a boiling point. It was getting to be too much for her to handle.  

She knew going to this relationship was going to be hard, but she didn’t expect such a rollercoaster of emotions all the time. There are times she feels like she has let the younger girl walk over her because she was too infatuated with her to state otherwise, but she wasn’t going to let this continue any longer. She couldn’t keep setting herself up for disappointment and heartache.

If Alex can’t commit to her, then maybe it’s time for her to stop waiting around. 

In an attempt to be strong, Christen sucked up all the pain falling from her body and set a hard glare towards the woman across from her. 

“Maybe I should. At least then I know I’ll be dating someone who actually wants to spend time with me.”

She knows it’s a low blow. But at this point she doesn’t care. She’s exhausted. Loving Alex was tiring and drained the life from her body. But at the same time, Alex knew how to fill her with love, something that Christen thought was worth it. With Alex she felt special, loved, and safe. 

She had relinquished her heart to a woman who could so easily break it. It didn’t matter that the two have yet to say what people consider the most intimate and important words in a strong, healthy relationship. Christen has known for a long time that she had fallen for Alex Morgan. 

Christen took another look at the woman across the room. The blue eyes she could always get lost in flashed pain and hurt, but the moment they locked eyes with green, they changed. Her eyes were still set in challenge, as if she wanted Christen to unleash on her. 

However, the older girl couldn’t handle it anymore. The fact that Alex had yet to battle her last statement made her question if they both wanted the same things from this. She couldn’t tell if the lack of response was because Alex was accepting that it was true or because Alex no longer cared. 

She didn’t want to know the answer, her heart has been in a constant battle since the moment they got together, and it was about ready to give. So before Alex could open her mouth to say another word, Christen was dashing out of the room, slamming the door on the way out. 

 

* * *

A few hours later, Christen was sitting on her bed, back against the headrest and legs pulled up to her chest. 

After her fight with Alex, she ran straight to her room where her roommate immediately engulfed her in a hug and held her.  Christen told Ashlyn everything that happened with Alex. The blonde held her tight and listened carefully, never interrupting and only asking questions when absolutely necessary. 

Ali and Ashlyn have been Christen’s confidants. Well, Ali was and then the right back just ended up telling her girlfriend everything. It was easier for Christen to turn to Ali when it came to Alex because sometimes complaining about Alex to Kelley or Tobin could be a bit awkward seeing as they both were also best friends with Alex. Ali never judged and was closer to Christen than she was to Alex anyways, plus she loved a little bit of gossip. There have been times that Christen would get slightly annoyed with Ali for sharing details about her relationship, but right now she couldn’t have been more grateful. 

Once Christen had finished filling her in, Ashlyn really took in how distraught Christen looked. She decided that they were in need of reinforcements. The cavalry arrived and Ashlyn gave them a very vague description of what happened, leaving out many details. All the girls were able to gather was that some hurtful things were said and done and there was a possible breakup. 

A knock on the door broke up their little conversation. The group only needed one guess to know who was on the other side of the door. Ashlyn, Christen’s roommate, patted her friend’s arm to let her know that she’ll handle it. 

The other three women watched the blonde keeper get up from the bed and disappear behind the wall that hid their bed from view. 

“What do you want Alex?” Christen heard Ashlyn ask.

“Let me in, Ash.”

“She doesn’t want to see you.”

“I don’t care. I need to talk to her.” The tone in Alex’s voice let them all know that Alex still hadn’t fully calmed down from their fight from before. “I’m not kidding, Ash. Get out of the way.”

“I’m not kidding either. Do you see yourself? You haven’t even cleared your head and you want to try to fix things. Not your best decision.”

“I need to see her.”

“Not like this, Alex. We both know how you can be sometimes.”

“Just let me in so that I can apologize.” 

“Listen to me. You know I want what’s best for you and her. And the best thing right now is for you to figure things out before you come in and say the wrong thing.”

“I’m fine, Ash. Let me see her.” Alex snapped at the keeper. 

“No.” Ashlyn said firmly. Seeing as this wasn’t having the effect she wanted, she tried another approach, one with a softer yet still weighted voice. “Alex you really fucked up this time. A simple ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to fix things.”

“I know that you’re trying to help, but I think I know what I’m doing. Now get out of the way and let me see Christen!” 

There were sounds of a small struggle before the door shut. After a few moments and Ashlyn not reappearing, Christen assumed the blonde had take her girlfriend (ex-girlfriend?) out of the room. 

The brunette pulled her legs closer to her chest and took a trembling breath. She was exhausted and not sure what she was going to do now. All she knew was that she didn’t want to cry anymore. It was much harder than she anticipated, but she was determined to hold them back until she was alone.

In need of comfort, Christen let herself fall onto her side while her head rested in the lap of another. She felt one person’s hand weaving through her dark locks in a soothing manner. A reassuring kiss was pressed to the side of her head, and she closed her eyes at the contact.

A moment later, she felt a body fall into the tiny sliver of space she created in between her back and the hotel bed’s headrest from when she turned on her side. A head rested in between her shoulder blades while an arm was slung over her middle, holding her.

Christen relished the human contact. This was what she needed. Not someone asking if she was okay, but knowing that she wasn’t and holding her. She felt a body fall onto the bed in front of her so she opened her eyes. She was met with a pair of brown eyes that she’s gotten quite familiar with. 

A sad smile appeared on the other woman’s face before she reached over and silently took Christen’s hand in hers. The message was there even if the words weren’t.  _ We got you. _

Christen did her best to smile back at Tobin, but they both knew it wasn’t going to reach her eyes. 

She then turned her head so she was looking at the person above her and sent a silent thank you to the woman who had been there for her for so many moments since getting with Alex. Ali nodded her head in acknowledgment. 

She scooted a tiny bit closer into the person holding her. It was another silent thank you, but this time to a woman that Christen could always count on and who could read her like an open book sometimes. Kelley squeezed her tighter to remind Christen that she was always there for her. 

After Christen closed her eyes once again, Tobin, Ali, and Kelley turned to one another. From the little information they were able to get out of Christen, they knew that she and Alex had gotten into a huge fight. It sounded to be the worst one yet, possibly bad enough to end things. No details were given, just that it was bad. 

This is the happiest they’ve seen Alex in a while, knowing that things weren’t all that great with Servando. The married couple didn’t have that spark between them anymore. Everyone knew it was a matter of time before things ended between the two, but they didn’t expect for things to drag out for this long. 

And as for Christen, they could just tell she was in love. The way her eyes always found Alex the moment the other girl entered the room. The way her face would light up at the very much of the younger striker. 

Not sure what the future had in store for their two friends, the three of them held the fragile girl in front of them, providing the support and comfort anyone would need in this situation. 

The heartbroken girl in front of them deserved the world, and they could only hope that things would get better for her.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has to come to terms with everything going on before she can face Christen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally got around to it. It turned out to be much harder than I expected. I kind of wrote and rewrote it because I didn't like how it turned out. Hopefully, you will like how it turned out in the end. If not, I'm sorry.

After checking to see if she had her key in her back pocket, Ashlyn walked Alex back into the hallway and closed the door. 

The blonde keeper backed Alex up to the opposite wall and placed a hand on each shoulder, holding the striker in front of her. She patiently waited until she felt the young girl’s shoulder sag and let the blues eyes meet hers. 

In the kindest yet sternest voice she could manage, Ashlyn looked to Alex and said “You fucked up, girl. And you fucked up bad.” 

“I know.” Alex mumbled, looking down at the floor. “I just lost my cool. I didn’t mean to.”

“You may have just lost Christen.”

The broken look on the younger girl’s face, had the blonde drawing her friend into her arms immediately. Ash rubbed her back soothingly, while Alex sobbed into her shoulder. 

The striker knew it was a possibility, a strong one at that, but hearing it from someone else was too much. She didn’t want to feel this way. She hated feeling like this. Her whole world was about to crash down on her and she had no one to blame but herself. The look on Christen’s face during their fight was going to be etched in her brain forever. The tears that threatened to fall, but Christen had willed away.

“I just want to see her.”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea right now.”

“Ash, I need to make things right. I can’t lose her. If I lose her, I lose everything.” Alex pleaded with the blonde keeper, not caring how she looked at the moment. “Please, Ash.”

“Listen, Alex. I love you and all but I’m really disappointed and upset with you. Press is my friend too. What you said really hurt her. You attacked her insecurities. She thinks you don’t this want anymore. That you don’t want her.”

“But I do want her!” Alex adamantly stated as if she was begging Ashlyn to believe her. Her shoulders sagged as she sank down onto the floor. Her head was placed in her hands. “I do want her.”

“Then show her that. Make her believe you. Don’t push her away.”

“What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” Alex asked. This was one of Alex’s worries, one of the reasons she was afraid of leaving Servando. While they were no longer in love, he provided a sense of familiarity that she was comfortable in. If Alex left her husband and down the road Christen decided the other striker wasn’t worth her time, Alex would find herself alone. And being alone was one of her biggest fears. 

“I’m going to be honest, she might turn you away. Things have been rough and you haven’t exactly been there for her. But she’ll always want you more than you’ll ever know, Alex.”

“Really?”

“She wants all of you. She's liked you since forever. Probably started in college or something and then just grew over time. She doesn’t want to share. No matter how hard she pretends you and Serv being together doesn’t bother her, we all know it’s killing her inside. The longer you waited to give those papers to Servando, the more she felt you still loved him.”

Alex felt ashamed. She knew that whatever happened between her and Christen could easily get messy. Unfortunately for them, Alex isn’t the best at clearing it all up. In her head, she knew that she should have pushed the other girl away and put a stop to whatever was going on, but she couldn’t. She physically couldn’t. Her mind, body, and soul yearned for the older woman. Literally, she felt pangs in her heart when they were apart.

With a deep breath in and long exhale, something Christen has taught her to do many times, Alex turned to Ashlyn. She knew she needed to get this off her chest and Ash may be the only person who understands the situation and willing to listen to her. “I was scared.”

“And so was she.”

“No, Ash. I was literally terrified. She changed everything for me, whether she knows it or not. She brought a light into my life that I hadn’t seen in so long.” No championship or gold medal compared to the way that Christen made her feel. The older woman just had this aura around her that pulled Alex in. “It’s different from what I was used to and I craved it. But I also knew I should stay away before I ruined it. I shouldn’t have dragged her into all this, Ash. She deserves so much better.”

“Alex, are you really that blind? Christen is a smart girl. She knew what she was getting herself into when she kissed you. She’s put up with everything because she likes you, maybe even loves you.”

“But what about her and Tobin?”

“What about her and Tobin? There’s nothing going on there. If it’s really been bothering you, then maybe you should talk to them about it. Or at least talk to Christen about it.”

Thinking back on everything that Ashlyn has told her about Christen, Alex had an ah-ha moment. As much as she hated to admit it, she was ruining the other woman, even if it was unintentional. Maybe it was time for her to screw her head on straight and do the right thing. 

“Maybe I should let her go.” Alex concluded.

Ashlyn let go of Alex, holding her at arm’s length with a shocked expression plastered on her face. “Do you hear yourself? Do you even know what you just said?”

“If I ever hurt again, I would never forgive myself. And she wouldn’t forgive me either.” Christen’s opinion of her was more important to Alex than she cared to admit. In her mind, one more fuck up and Christen would want nothing to do with her. “I can’t handle that.”

Without a second thought, Ashlyn wrapped Alex back up in her arms, offering whatever comfort she could. “She may not forgive you now, you know that.”

“Ash, I’m known to fuck things up. I can’t do that to her. She means too much to me. I want her to live a happy life. I can’t make her happy if all I think about is when I’m going to hurt her next.”

“Then don’t think about that. Live life they way it should be. In the moment. Live like that and pray that subconsciously you know never to hurt her.”

“I can’t help it!” Alex exclaimed, jumping up from her spot on the floor. “I’m not good at relationships. I want to change that for her, but I can’t. It’s in my nature.”

“You can still change, Alex.”

“Don’t you get it Ash? Why Serv and I were together so long?” Ashlyn’s perplexed face gave Alex the go ahead to continue. “It’s because we were comfortable. Whenever we tried to move on, he couldn’t find someone he really clicked with and I couldn’t stay in a relationship.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m fucking paranoid!” Alex screamed. She counted to ten in her head, another one of Christen’s method that she has picked up. When she felt in control of her emotions she started speaking again, well more like whispered. “I pushed everyone away. I either thought they were after something besides just me or I felt like I was corrupting them. My tries with other people never lasted and Serv and I just kept calling each other up. Figured it’d be nice to at least marry a friend than end up alone. But we were stupid.”

“You and Serv are different than you and Christen.” 

“That’s why I can’t risk it, Ash. If I ever hurt her again, I’m afraid she might never love again.”

“Don’t give up on her. You said so yourself, she’s the best thing that’s happened to you.”

“I’m not giving up on her. I’m giving up on myself.”

“Hey. Don’t do that either, girl. You deserve happiness as much as anyone else.”

“I love her, Ash.” Alex confessed. She and Christen hadn’t gotten to the point where they’ve said the words out loud. It was conveyed in everything they did and everyone could see it, but the words have never been spoken as of yet. And Alex hated that when she finally admits out loud to someone, it’s right before she loses the most important person in her life right now. 

“Why are you doing this Alex?”

“Because it hurts.”

“That’s the kind of love you should be fighting for, Al. It hurts right now because it’s real. What you feel for her is real and true. Don’t lose that. Keep fighting for it. Fight for her.”

“I can’t.” Alex whined. “I can’t fight anymore. I’m so tired.”

“Alex, if you do this, you can’t take it back. You  _ will _ lose her.”

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

Although, Ashlyn hadn’t agreed that it was a good idea, she did hand over her key card to Alex. After dinner, Alex had let herself into Christen’s room. The older woman had left dinner early, so Alex gave her a little time before heading up herself. 

“Ash?”

“No.” Alex said, walking further into the room with her head held low. “Is it okay if we talk?”

Silently, Christen nodded her head.

Alex walked over and took a seat on the bed across from Christen. 

“I’m sorry for everything I said. I should have known that nothing was going on between you and Tobin. I’m sorry for lashing out and I’m sorry for not being there whenever you needed me. And I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to give the divorce papers to Servando. You didn’t deserve me hiding you like you were a dirty little secret. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It wasn’t a good feeling.”

“I know. I really messed up a lot. More times than I can count." There was a short pause where Alex did her best to work up the courage to get the next words out while Christen sat there expectantly. "That’s why I feel like we should break up.”

“What?” Christen exclaimed, her voice cracking the tiniest bit but enough for Alex to notice.

“I think it’ll be best if we stop see each other.” Alex declared, turning around before Christen could see her cry.

“You don’t want me anymore?” The vulnerable whimper had Alex’s head turning back to Christen fast enough to give her whiplash. 

“That’s not it.” Alex vehemently stated. She pulled Christen’s hands into hers, staring right into the green eyes that have been her undoing since they met. “I love you, Chris. I love you so much.”

“Then why are you saying this? Why are you breaking up with me?”

“Because I think it’s time for me to do the right thing.” She never knew that doing the right thing was going to hurt so much.

“We can fix this. We promised to work things out, remember? We fight and then make up. Right now is when we’re supposed to make up.”

“But what if we can’t always make up?” Alex asked. It was the same question she had asked herself a million times since Christen stopped out of the room. 

“Then we try harder. Just please don’t leave me.”

“I’m not leaving you. I’m setting you free. I did wrong by you enough times. I have to make this right.”

“If you love me, you won’t leave.”

“I have to, baby.” As hard as she tried to avoid it, the term of endearment still managed to slip out. 

“If you leave, I’ll hate you!”

“Better you hate me than hate yourself for letting me hurt you again.” 

“Alex, why don’t you want to fix this? Don’t you want to be with me?”

“Of course I do.” Alex argued. “But I’m not good enough for you.”

“I’m not perfect, either, Alex.”

Alex eyes softened at Christen’s statement. This woman just didn’t see the greatness in her that she was. “Yes, you are. No matter what anyone says, you are the epitome of perfection.”

“Please, Alex. You’re the only one who has every loved every piece of me the way I am. I don’t want you to go.”

“You will find someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“But I want that person to be you.”

“Well it can’t.”

“Are you going back to him? Is that why you don’t want this anymore?”

“No, Chris. He and I are done, I promise. Next time I see him, I’m going to give him the papers.”

“Then why can’t we be together? If it’s about what I said, I’m sorry. I promise there’s nothing going on between Tobin and I. She’s always talking about you and how great you are and how you’re just super busy and will make it up to me. And Tobin is just one of my best friends and I don’t see her that way. I mean yes, she’s hot, but that’s it. I don’t see her as anything more than a friend and...” Christen rambled on, nervous and anxious and scared.

Alex grabbed Christen, getting the older woman to slow her ramblings enough for Alex to speak. “No, don’t apologize. If you say you and Tobin are just friends I believe you. So don’t apologize. You shouldn’t have to. I was the one that messed all this up. I just want you to be happy. I can’t make you happy.”

“I’ve been happier with you in a few months than I have been most of my life. If you want me to be happy, you won’t leave.” Christen countered, grabbing onto Alex’s biceps to keep her from possibly fleeing the room. 

“I can’t stay. I’m going to break your heart.”

“Baby, look at me. Hey, come on look at me.” Christen begged, her voice wavering and cracking in multiple places. 

Alex kept fighting the urge to look. But she was no match when she felt Christen’s palm against her cheek. It was so soft, so gentle. She couldn’t help but melt into the warm touch. “Will you please look at me?”

It was a slow turn, but she eventually pulled it off. The glossy green eyes helped her imagine what hers might look like right now. The urge to cry was so strong, but the will not to was winning.

“You have to have faith in yourself.”

“I don’t want to break you.”

“I gave you my heart because I trusted you with it.” Using her thumb to keep Alex’s tears from falling. “And I still do, but if you walk out on me right now, you’ll prove yourself right. You’ll prove that you’ll break my heart.” Alex started to shake her head back and forth, but Christen continued anyways. “But if you stay...if you stay I know that we can be so happy.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I love you.” Christen admitted, wiping the lone tear streaming down her face with the back of her hand. “Because I will fight for you until I have no more fight left.” 

“Am I even worth the fight?”

“Every time.” Christen promised. “Every single fucking time.”

At the words, Alex collapsed into Christen’s arms. Her resolve to keep the tears at bay broke and she was now a sobbing mess. Her body shook as she felt Christen’s arms wrap around her, holding her tight, rocking them back and forth slowly and carefully.

“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”

Alex really couldn’t believe how Christen was able to comfort her right now. That woman had every reason to hate her and push her away, yet here she was, trying to convince Alex of the good inside of her. She made a note to make sure to add that to the list of things she loves about the woman. 

She made herself a promise in that moment, a promise that she was hell bent on keeping until her last dying breath. She was going to fight for them. She would and will always fight for them from now on.

 

* * *

 

“Ready to go, babe?” Alex asked, walking into Christen’s room, placing a kiss to the other woman’s cheek before taking a seat on the bed. 

It’s been a few days since they were able to settle things and make up like they once promised each other they would always do. Things have been much better. There were times where they needed to reassure the other that this was what they wanted, but nothing too major got in their way, except the time Christen beat Alex in Uno when they had team game night. 

There was no longer such a huge burden resting on their shoulders. They were more carefree with their touches and kisses and the _ I love yous _ . Everything was better. Occasionally, Alex would get warning glares from Ali or Kelley, but Ashlyn was quick to give the two a little tap to the back of the head, telling them to knock it off. 

All in all things were looking up for them. 

“Almost. I just need to finish packing.” 

Alex pointed out, her eyebrows screwed together in confusion. “You said you finished last night.” 

“Well I lied, so we could cuddle longer.” 

“Christen Press, a liar?”

“Alex Morgan, newly single?”

At that, Alex zipped up her lips, handing the victory over to Christen, knowing that this was not a battle she wanted to try to win. 

“Anyways, I have a present for you for when you’re done.” Alex stated, laying on her back, her eyes falling shut while Christen continued running around the hotel room. 

Alex was about to fall asleep until she felt someone straddling her waist. She opened her eyes to see her girlfriend hovering over her. Alex reached up and swept all of Christen’s hair to one side. The shining green eyes and the radiating smile reminded her of just how lucky she was. 

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Christen replied, leaning down to rest her forehead on Alex’s. “Are you going to give me a proper kiss?”

“Only if you want one.” Alex replied, moving her hand behind Christen’s neck to pull her down that inch to close the gap between them. 

It was a few soft pecks. Nothing more. Then it started turning into slow, sensual kisses with Alex’s hand traveling down to Christen’s butt, where she grabbed a nice assful. Alex groaned when Christen nibbled on her lower lip before replacing her teeth with her tongue. The younger of the two slowly opened her mouth, awaiting her girlfriend’s tongue to meet hers. However, Christen being the tease she was finally pulled away.

“I think you said something about a present.” Christen smirked, rolling off of Alex and sitting up on the bed.

With a slight eye roll, Alex walked over to the bag she brought in with her, digging through its contents. She hid whatever she pulled out and asked Christen to close her eyes. 

“You’re not going to blindfold me and cuff me to the bed are you?”

“No, but I bet you’d like that.” Alex teased, making her way back over to Christen. She told the woman to put her hands out and she complied. “Here. You can open them now.”

Alex sat and watched the woman flip through the first few pages. She grew a bit worried when Christen didn’t say anything. It took her a few moments too long before she realized that Christen’s must have gotten the wrong idea. 

“They’re my divorce papers.”

“I see that, Alex. Why are you giving this to me?”

“I want you to be there with me when I give it to him.”

“What?”

She knelt down in front of Christen, holding one hand in hers. “I want to show you how serious I am about this. I know he’s going to be sad, but he and I never loved each other the way I love you. I really think he’ll feel a little better when he sees how happy you make me.”

“Won’t it be a little awkward if I show up and you’re like ‘I’m leaving you for Christen’.”

“I know he’ll be so proud of me for finding someone I love. He’s one of my best friends and we married each other because we never wanted to be alone, but now I know I won’t be.”

“I don’t know, I just feel weird about it.”

“I know it’s really strange, but this isn’t just a normal situation. Please?”

After a few moments contemplating the request, Christen agreed. “Okay, but only if you promise to take me to Disney World after.”

“Promise.” Alex vowed before hugging Christen tightly. 

After pulling away, she watched the older woman start skimming through the stack of papers. 

“What’s this?” Christen asked, pulling a sheet of paper that didn’t seem to belong.It was a hand written page that was slightly wrinkled on the edges.  

The taller woman leaned over to take a peek. The second she recognized it, she went to snatch it, but Christen was too fast. 

“Chris, give it back.” Alex demanded, trying to grab the paper out of the hand that Christen wasn’t using to keep her at bay. “It’s nothing.”

With a little bit of wrestling and a lot of tickling, Alex was able to nab the piece of paper. Victoriously, she stood from the bed and hid the paper behind her back. 

“But I want to read it.” Christen claimed, pouting. Seeing her that she wasn’t going to budge, the former Stanford player brought out the big guns. 

“Nope. Nope. That’s not going to work.” Alex stated, covering her eyes with her free hand. It was the best she could do to block out Christen’s puppy eyes. The other forward was an expert in using them to her advantage and getting Alex to do whatever she wanted. But Alex was dead set on holding out. 

Seeing this, Christen decided to change tactics.

The raven-haired beauty began stalking over to Alex. She placed a hand on the taller woman’s waist, drawing her a little closer. “Please, Al.” Christen whispered into her ear before taking the girl’s earlobe between her teeth, biting down ever so slightly. She let released after a moment, allowing her lips to start ghosting over Alex’s neck, causing shivers to run through the girl in front of her. 

Smirking, Christen went in for the kill. 

“Can I see that paper?” Christen asked, her lips so close Alex just had to pucker her lips a little. When Christen felt their lips graze one another she pulled back. “Uh uh, no more kisses until you let me see.”

A groan left Alex’s lips. She hated how cruel her girlfriend could be sometimes. Reluctantly, Alex brought her arm around, offering the paper to the girl. “Just promise you won’t laugh.”

“Thank you, baby.” Alex felt her worries ease just a little bit when Christen gave her a small peck. 

“It’s from when we were supposed to write that thing about each other. I thought I’d make a list of things I admired, but I kind of got carried away.” Alex explained.

She leant back against the nearest wall as she wanted for her girlfriend to finish reading it. In the meantime, she went over the list in her head, the items still fresh in her mind from just a few days ago. 

_ I love her dedication to always getting better.  _

_ I love her drive to spend hours to perfect her finishing.  _

_ I love her determination and how it comes out in everything she does.  _

_ I love her modesty and the way she blushes whenever people compliment her. _

_ I love her ability to find the little pleasures in life. _

_ I love her passion when she does something she loves.  _

_ I love her commitment to do yoga and to meditate everyday. _

_ I love her need to write in her planner and cross things off when she’s done.  _

_ I love her blatantness when it comes to things she wants. _

_ I love her kindness to everyone she meets. _

_ I love her brains that comes with the beauty.  _

_ I love her capability to tell a joke as if it was the funniest thing on the planet even if it’s not. _

_ I love her big heart and how she wants to share it with everyone. _

_ I love her eagerness to help everyone in need. _

_ I love her cute butt and the way it jiggles a little when I give it a nice tap. _

_ I love her pretty eyes and the way they shine when she’s looking at me.  _

_ I love her beautiful smile and the way it brightens my whole day.  _

_ I love her  _

She was lost reciting each written sentence in her head that she didn’t notice Christen had asked her something until she felt the woman poking her stomach. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I asked what that last one was. You didn’t finish it.” Christen held the paper up for Alex to see. Of course Christen and her slight OCD would notice that the list wasn’t finished. 

“Let me fix that.” Alex quickly grabbed a pen from her bag and used the wall to finish her last thought. 

“You didn’t change anything.” Christen pointed out after Alex handed the piece of paper back to her. 

“Look closer.”

_ I love her. _

“That my dear Christen is what we from Berkeley like to call a period. That means the sentence is over and the thought is complete.” Alex joked, loving that she could tease Christen while bringing up her alma mater. 

She was expecting a witty retort, but instead Christen smashed their lips together. There were no complaints from Alex’s end. When they pulled away, Alex had the dopiest smile on her face. 

“I love you too Tobin.” And the moment was ruined. 

Alex fixed her with the deadliest glare she could manage, making sure to channel her inner Hope. 

“That’s so not funny!” 

“I’m sorry! I just had to. I mean you thought me and Tobin. No, not going to happen.”

“Hey, you said she was hot, how was I supposed to know.”

“I think a lot of people are hot, like Kelley.” Christen quickly covered her mouth, trying to keep herself from digging herself into a deeper hole. 

“Kelley, huh?”

“Okay, but there’s only one person that I think that is smoking hot and absolutely beautiful.”

The younger woman quirked an eyebrow. “Let me guess...Hope. Wait, no Ashlyn!”

“Haha very funny. I’m trying to save myself by being romantic here and saying you.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

“It’s true though.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so. Now stop arguing with me.”

“Aye aye, Captain Press.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think.


End file.
